He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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