you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
