how do flat chested girls get laid?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Houston, we have a squirter
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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