I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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