Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
