I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
