I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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