Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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