I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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