You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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