Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who died my cat blue again?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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