Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
