Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
