everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
