I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
