Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
