there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
