census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
