you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
