There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
