the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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