Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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