Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
