You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't put those talents on a resume
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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