Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
