Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
cat food counts as protein by the way
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
