Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
