my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
