cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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