You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
