Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
