she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
