I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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