Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
