I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
