Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
