where does the pee come out of this thing
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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