I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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