When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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