If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
