Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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