he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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