Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
