She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize