first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Come share oat with me in your robe
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
