One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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