just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
