The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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