Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my shit smells like andre
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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