She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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