I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize