guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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