Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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