I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
