I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
