Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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