Sry I called you an 8
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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