Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
