I wish I could punch you in the face.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
