I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
