I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
