idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize