put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
