I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
