youre lurking in front of me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
