I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
