Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
