Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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