Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
