I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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