i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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