Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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