She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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