i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
