So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize