do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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