we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
