Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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