there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
