Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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