i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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